I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
