I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize