Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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