Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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