He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Still dying that you shit outside
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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