I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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