My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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