By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize