Even the bartender felt bad for me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
