I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
