I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
50% drunk capacity currently
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
