i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
