Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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