hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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