I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
are you so shy because you have an std?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
