Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
