omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
how drunk are you?
Several
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
