All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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