your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
