I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
