When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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