no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
