I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
