I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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