Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
