P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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