this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
