i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
