Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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