if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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