I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
