So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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