I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Randomize
