I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
too bad you live with your parents still
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
