I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize