Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
