dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
