It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
