I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
