He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
