I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
