I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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