I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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