please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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