the only muscles i have these days is kegels
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
