It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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