i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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