Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
