I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
