Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
