so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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