He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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