I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
