he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize