Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
