I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
