Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize