I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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