I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
