If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
