The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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