uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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