Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
