Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She's the barista slut.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
