tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
