I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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