i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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