forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
