the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Im part way to drunk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I want a musical about memes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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