i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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