So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
