Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
