have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
