"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
