I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
