This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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