handjob tips. give me some.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
