I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
