she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
