i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
