wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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