Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
