everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
