Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
false alarm, still single
Randomize