I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
