I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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