made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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