i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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