hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
