Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
