he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
