Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
