Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
