so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize