Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Holy sore nipples Batman
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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