I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
