so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
