How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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