I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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