So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The beers last night were like the tears from god
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
