My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
