I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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