I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
