The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
