after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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