bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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