standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
